SunAgape's Spot

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Choosing the Doing

Two cards popped this morning. Why do I like what I do? Why am I celebrated?

Well, that’s certainly a powerful set o’ Questions, isn’t it!

These are relatively new experiences for me. I know you aren’t surprised to hear that. Of course, I had things I liked to do, but they weren’t my occupation. I often hated what I was doing, even when I got my dream jobs.

We get ideas about how things go. We learn as small children by watching our adults. We learn that work is satisfying, or contemptible. We learn that we have to work jobs we hate, or we get to work jobs we love. We learn that co-workers are an important part of our emotional life, or that they are a burden to be carried and suffered. We are, for the most part, unaware of these made-up rules of employment, but we find that every job we go to has the same set up. Fancy that.

These notions, arbitrary, based on observation by our baby minds, turn into fixed delusions. And because they are delusions, as we do our daily lives, we don’t even see that they are just made up ideas.

One of the things I learned in High School was about doing critiques. All a critique is, is coming up with a line of bullshit and finding stuff to support it. Useful, cynical. And that’s what a fixed delusion is, a pile of made-up stuff that we then spend a lifetime finding stuff to support. We actually live a lot of our lives doing that. It’s the filtering thing.

We have to filter in order to function in the world. There is simply too much information available at any given time.

What makes me decide? How do I choose? Why can I slow down?

When I give myself permission to slow down, to start to notice what my patterns are, to consider the notion of fixed delusions, I begin to choose freedom.

How do I feel when I am free? Why can I decide? How do I find solutions?

When I notice that my ideas about work match the ideas one of my adults from my childhood expressed, and they weren’t good, I have a little wiggle room. When I see how my notions about relationships with co-workers do the same thing, I have a bit more wiggle room. I also have an arsenal. I have free will that can I exercise. I can unchoose the mislearnings of my past. I have Creative Questions.

Why do I like what I do? How do I know my efforts have value? Why do I enjoy my work environment? What makes me appreciated?

By taking responsibility for the quality of my work life, I have a sense of control. I know I get to choose my attitude. I understand that when I’m being pissy at work, I’m operating from a fixed delusion. I get to change that, and I know that making that shift will make things better for me, and for you, my co-worker, which is how I am responsible to you.

How have I changed from hating my job to loving what I do?

If you like what you find here, please + or share. Thanks, Why are you so cool?

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Practicing Appreciating

If you want to make a big change in your life quickly and pretty easily, start a Gratitude Practice, or Appreciations Practice.

It’s very simple. All you do is take a little bit of time to write down a few things, three minimum, you have appreciated or are grateful for in the last 24 hours, and share them.

I will let you in on a secret, cuz that’s what I do. I used to think there wasn’t anything I could do everyday that wasn’t part of my autonomic nervous system, or digestion. Turned out, I was wrong. Turned out you make the difference. When I choose to report to you, so to speak, that I have done my task, I am way more likely to do it.

Why do I choose a daily practice? What makes me take me seriously? How do I feel when I feel worth it?

I like to use social media for my sharing purposes. You can share with a live person, or by email or phone, too. The point is to make it an every single day thing. This is important for at least a couple reasons.

Reason One: Feeling gratitude and appreciation for stuff in our lives brings us closer to living our natural lives, and happiness. A primary component of soul-happiness is appreciation.

Reason Two: Having a daily practice we are committed to helps us remember to make the tiny choices we want to make every day. When I decided to stop using alcohol and drugs, I did that every day, sometimes more than once a day. I choose happy every day. It may take me a chunk of the day to get there, but it is very rare that I don’t spend at least some of everyday happy. (How wonderful to realize that!)

There will be exceptions because stuff happens. Sometimes I have connectivity issues with my Chromebook and can’t get to a wifi place; doesn’t happen very often. Once, I was too sick to sit up for a couple days, so I didn’t write. From time to time, I get interrupted, and so things get delayed. But, my intention is to do it, so I get back to it as fast as I can.

How do I own my power? Why am I responsible for me? How do I feel when I am competent?

When I start my day appreciating, I kind of set myself up to look for stuff to appreciate. I am in the habit now, and so I find that I will take note of things I might have missed. I am more aware of unexpected beauty, the unexpected gift in a sticky situation, the surprise blessing. And I find that thinking about that which I found of value in my day before I go to sleep helps me sleep much better than when I would rehearse why my day sucked.

I even look at the crappy things that happen and find gifts. Sometimes, it’s the opportunity to practice patience or humility, or compassion, or non-attachment. Sometimes, it’s the opportunity to be creative, or to deeply experience an emotion, or to engage with someone in a new way.

I like Greek Philosophy and have found some really valuable stuff there. Look at your life and who you are. Learn about yourself. Rehearse scenarios in your head. (I like to add that I need to rehearse them in such a way that I stay calm and centered. I like to vary them, so I am flexible. I also look for the best outcomes.) Hot and cold are relative. A lot of things are dependent on our point of view. (Plato, Aristotle, and Democratus, if you were wondering.)

How have I changed from taking for granted to appreciating my wonderful life?

If you found something of value, interesting or annoying, please + or share. How do I feel when I feel appreciated?

Monday, March 17, 2014

Tempering Ego

Did you know that many spiritual teachers say that we are meant to be happy? That part of why we are here is to learn to get to happy? What do you think about that?

I really like that notion. I also like feeling happy. I think that’s what we are at our core, living our natural life.

In the olden days, I thought I had found pleasure, in a bottle, in drugs, in dangerous situations. It turned out that what I had found was just distraction from my pain.

True pleasure doesn’t make things worse. I don’t get a hangover, I don’t have regrets, Curious, that. Distraction pleasure leaves us saying, from time to time, “that was worth it.” We never have to say that about true pleasure because there aren’t secondary costs.

Why do I have fun? What makes me delighted? How do I enjoy myself?

When things we have enjoyed in the past now leave us feeling meh, we may have made a habit of the activity, and stopped being present in it.

When I am living my natural life, I feel light. I feel happy. I have pleasure in many things, mundane things bring a savor and delight, simply being present can be blissful. And then we take a little detour, and go back to a version of our old ways, and feel bad, heavy hearted, bereft, angry, scared.

We have these feelings to remind us to return to our natural path. A lot of how to get back there for me has to do with letting go. I have to let go feeling like I deserve to feel bad. That’s a weird one. I have to let go feeling like I have a right to feel crappy. I think it’s fascinating. I don’t get that secondary feeling when I am soul-happy, only when I feel bad. That’s ego stuff.

Ego likes to keep things as they are. Ego is a collection of ideas about who we are, who I am. It’s wrong. But its job is to maintain that identity. It is much easier to do that when I don’t feel good. You could think of it as Ego being all that aggregated crap around our core self, and you could call that core self as Soul. But that’s just one way to look at it.

The point is, that each of us, when we choose to grow up, will have to deal with our tantrum-y Ego who doesn’t want to put on pants and go to the park, and doesn’t want to eat that, and who likes to hear herself make all that noise about how awful and unfair life is. Ego who deserves to feel bad, and has a right to misbehave because of how terrible it all is.

Why do I choose? How do I let go? What makes me decide to have fun?

When I make little choices to quiet Ego instead of pacifying it, I am closer to my natural life. When I make bigger choices to quiet Ego instead of indulging it, I am choosing my natural life, my infinite perfection. When I make the big choice to grow up, I choose to let go of deserving to feel bad, or exhausted, or miserable. I choose to feel light and happy. Somedays, that choice is easier for me than others, but I will tell you, making that shift makes everything nicer.

How have I changed from letting Ego run the show to choosing my natural life?

Sunday, March 16, 2014

Just Saying No

I love it when two cards hop out from the deck. Today, the Why am I admired? and the Why am I authentic? cards popped out together.

How many of us think that if we showed our authentic self, not only would we not be admired, but even that no one would love us. Sometimes, we don’t even know that’s how we feel, we have it pushed down so far. We are barely aware of putting on a persona. Like me.

Learning to show my authentic self took me a while, and it was kind of scary in the beginning. I was used to people-pleasing. Do you know about people-pleasing? It’s a powerful emotional toxin. It’s poison to our self-esteem, death to our integrity, and makes us feel like a phoney in no time at all.

When we are people-pleasing, saying “no” feels dangerous and impossible. The more we say “yes” when we mean “no” the more we stop trusting ourselves, the more we resent ourselves, and can even end up hating ourselves. and certainly not liking the people who are making those demands on us.

We can end up feeling taken advantage of, being passive aggressive, we may even feel invisible. we may wonder why people treat us like crap when we are always so nice.

Why am I real? What makes me authentic? Why am I admired? What makes me feel celebrated?

If I am going to grow up, I need to let go of my people pleasing tendencies. I will have to choose to believe that I am as worthwhile as the people in my life I’m trying to please. I will have to make up some new boundaries that respect me.

I will have to take a leap of faith.

Why do I trust? How do I know the Universe will support me? Why can I choose?

Those leaps of faith, when we decide we will do what we need to do to save ourselves, are a big deal. It feels like taking a running jump into the Grand Canyon without a net, but I can tell you, in my experience, I’ve never seen someone take one of those leaps to grow up unsuccessfully.

As we stop agreeing to do things we don’t really want to do, we have time to do things that bring us joy. That can take a little getting used to. We will also find that the people who actually did take advantage of us kind of go away.

How am I respectful to me? What makes me treat me kindly? How am I responsible to you?

I am responsible for my well being. I cannot make you happy, healthy, sober, fun, or kind, no matter what I do. I can do those things for me, and that will change my relationships. I am responsible for my well being, but I am responsible to you. I am responsible for telling you how I really am, for setting respectful boundaries with you, for making promises I mean, and doing my best to keep them. I am responsible to you by treating our plans respectfully, showing up on time, or letting you know if I’m going to stand you up.

How have I changed from people-pleasing to owning my own mind?

If you like what you find here, please + or share. Thanks! How do you know you are amazing?

Saturday, March 15, 2014

Unsticking the Stuck

I get curious when the same cards come up over and over. I figure that there is something I’m missing, an important piece I need to get. So when the awareness card came up again, I figure it’s time to take another think.

Awareness comes with its own set of questions. We shift from asking, “How can I do more?” to “How can I be more?” That’s kind of exciting, isn’t it, that question.

How can I be more?

We each have the same amount of time in a day. We each have a brain, talents, skills, creativity, insight, stuff we like to do. We live in the world, and we live lives where stuff happens. The point is, what do we do about that? Well, we also each have choices.

Why do I step up? How do I succeed? What makes me a leader?

When big stuff happens in our lives, we make choices. Sometimes, we choose a dark path. We may bail out. We may shut down, or act out with inappropriate behaviors. We may pretend nothing is going on and then, get sick, or have an accident, or even die rather than address this new thing.

On the other hand, sometimes, we step up. We see our new situation as an opportunity for growth and expansion. We do what we need to do to get more healthful energy, more efficiency, more effectiveness. We drop things that are less important, we change our relationships. We follow this new path to our new level, and find that we have more resources, skills, talents and enjoyment, love and support than we had before.

We do that with awareness. We do that with self-knowledge. We do that with support from people who love us and want us to be successful. We unchoose listening to those who talk smackchoo about us, or even to us, and we pay more attention to the loving voices, even if they are in our minds. We remember that we are living a new, more dynamic life, where we get to be more of who we are, and when we remember that we are divine infinite beings, well, that’s a lot of life.

For the people who follow their dreams, who achieve their goals, this is what we mean by a rags to riches story.

How do I feel when I wake up happy and excited for my day? How do I feel when I feel productive and satisfied?

When I make the choice to level up, I can expect that some old emo crap will come up. I will have to address my ego, who likes things the way they are, thank you very much. I will have to confront issues from my past, maybe around claiming my power, or what my responsibilities are, or what is expected of me. But I know that I am capable of handling those things. I have resources, I have courage, I have all the strength I need, and I know that when I’ve finished with that list, I will feel freer than ever before, I will have more energy, I will feel motivated, inspired and competent. And I will get to do more of what I love. I love it when I win.

How have I changed from feeling stuck and helpless to feeling present and empowered?

Friday, March 14, 2014

Spirit Banquet

Every so often I like to think about the fact that we are made out of stardust. That’s a very profound notion to me, and a very romantic one. And by we, I mean everything.

Hand in hand with that, I like to think about the fact that we are all just molecules and atoms, and some kind of stuff that holds it together. I like to think about how there is so much relative distance between those atoms in things we think of as solid.

That gets weird.

I am a collection of molecules held together by some mysterious something.

One of the activities I enjoy pretty much every day is putting more molecules inside me, which my molecules do stuff to, and then I produce stuff made out of molecules. We call it The Digestive System. I think it’s hilarious.

So, when it comes to consuming food and drink, and other stuff, we all have a lot of ideas. We have ideas about what is good or bad for us, and we often extend those ideas to others, too.

In a world where we may feel helpless, making food and beverage choices, drug and vitamin-type choices, is a place where may feel like we feel we have some control. Or we may feel like we don’t.

How do I have the right diet? What sustains me? How do I transmute all I consume to nourishment?

Many of the results we think we are having from food and drink come about from our attitudes. It’s an interesting concept to try to get our heads wrapped around. I am nourished or sickened as I believe. And while there may be exceptions to that, it’s been my experience that it’s fundamentally true.

Why do I choose? What makes me wise? What makes me know me?

I love to think about Breatharians, who claim to draw all needed nourishment from the air. Or sages who live in caves and subsist on a few herbs, and maybe some tea.

I like to think that the mysterious stuff that holds my molecules together is related to spirit. I believe that spirit holds my essence in this collection of molecules, and that spirit is the bulk of what sustains me.

I have also come to believe that food doesn’t make us fat, and exercise doesn’t make us thin. Our relative sizes start in our minds, and manifest in the world. I’ve got stories.

So we can learn a lot about ourselves by looking at our patterns and notions around nourishment, sustenance, fitness, and physical being in general. We may have ideas that people who are of a certain weight and build have more value that people without that build. We may have judgments about their habits, or qualities. And whenever we find ourselves thinking “better than or less than someone else,” we know we have some inside work to do.

How have I changed from negative judgments around sustenance to knowing it’s all good?

If you like what you find here, please share or + it. Thanks, Why do you know you make a difference?

Thursday, March 13, 2014

'Tudes

‘Tudes

I pulled the trust card this morning. What a good reminder of a bunch of different things, mostly about attitude.

And isn’t that what it’s all about.

One of the biggest secrets in the world of how to live a good life is right in front of our faces all the time. Attitude is the lion’s share of how our days go.

When I come to my morning with an attitude of cheerful, peaceful, and present, I have a nicer day than when I come to my morning with an attitude of pissy, entitled, and grim.

Attitude is a complex set of thoughts and feelings that set our filters, that is, what we are looking and listen for out in the world.

Simply put, when I have a good attitude, I find good stuff, when I have a bad attitude, I find bad stuff.

In the olden days, I sorted for bad stuff all the time, from who was doin’ me wrong to how awful the world was. For some reason, then, I seemed to have trust issues.

Back then, I would say with great gloom and certainty, “I know how this is going to play out,” and often that was exactly how it went. I knew that so-and-so would hurt me, that thus-and-such would bomb, and that, while things most likely wouldn’t turn out the worst way, because I had a very good imagination, they certainly wouldn’t turn out the best way.

Little by little, my teacher nudged me to a different attitude. We would imagine things getting better. How they would look, how I might feel. Not great, mind you, just better. A little better. Then a little more.

I imagined that everything was hard. She helped me imagine how things might be if they were easier. She helped me get out of myself enough to start seeing beauty in unlikely places, tiny kindnesses that strangers did for strangers, and solutions to problems. It took me eleven years to trust that she wouldn’t try to hurt me. We celebrated that day.

I expected that the closer I was to you, the worse you were going to get me, when you got around to it, which would be any time now. I was an expert in both anxiety and depression.

Why do I choose to feel safe? How do I feel protected? What makes me choose?

I changed a lot of things with those baby steps. I changed a lot of relationships by changing me. I left a lot of relationships that I couldn’t change. I changed my attitude a bit and a bit and a bit. I found trustworthy people and practiced trusting them. I started to feel safe. I learned how to feel protected.

Attitude will change a lot of things when it comes from our core. If I am pretending things are fine, that’s a horse of a different color. I was stuck in that for years. Pretending things are fine is a coverup. Forcing a good mood can feel awful, but softening into an attitude change can make all the difference.

How have I changed from faking a good attitude to really meaning it?

Please remember to share or +. Thanks.

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Tasks and Leisure

So, what do you like to do when you aren’t doing what you have to do? There is an old saw that I love, “To have leisure is to live as the gods.”

I like to joke that I will spend my free time lying on the floor staring at the ceiling. I always imagine it with my arms spread wide and a stupid grin on my face, a posture I spent time in as a kid on lovely summer days, cloud gazing.

Ahhhh.

But I digress.

I think about my ancestors, and how their lives were compared to the way I get to live. I think about how hard the women worked to keep their homes, how hard the men worked, and how uncomfy stuff was. I mean, I love central climate control. I love vacuums and other machines that make stuff so fast and easy. They worked their patooties off so that now I can enjoy some free time pretty much every day. Thank you, ancestors!

Why do I take time off? What makes me relax? Why do I enjoy my hobby?

Leisure time is priceless. I was fascinated to learn that our word “school” comes from the ancient Greek word for leisure. Many of us have stuff to do to keep our lives, and the lives of our loved ones, running smoothly. We have to wash stuff, and sweep stuff, and wipe stuff down, and change stuff, and buy stuff and put stuff away. We have to do a lot of that every day. And then we have to acquire and consume food and drink, clean ourselves, dress ourselves, move ourselves around, rest ourselves. Whew!

When we have down time, we have time to make choices that can enhance our lives. We can choose from a wide assortment of activities that will make stuff better, give us joy, and be fun. When we stay on top of our stuff, we don’t need to run away from our feelings, and so we can use our leisure enjoying ourselves rather than distracting ourselves. I like that so much more.

As we get better at using our leisure time, we may discover a hobby or hobbies that we love. Some of us decide that we will make a living from our hobby, and do that. Some of us decide that we love the change of scenery that we get from our hobby. Some of us like to learn stuff in our leisure time. Some of us like to travel, or see shows, or be in shows. Choices abound for wonderful, fun, interesting, challenging, delightful ways to spend our time.

How do I enjoy my free time? Why do I value my leisure? What makes me take down time?

When we have balance between our work and play, we feel good. We feel satisfied and productive in our labors, and satisfied and productive in our off-time. When we let that balance go off-kilter, we may feel like a drudge, or taken advantage of at our work, or we may feel bored or at loose ends in our free time. Being able to pick up on this right away is another advantage of being self-aware. Once we notice it, we can modify what we are doing to that we regain our balance. One of the activities that helps me keep that sense of balance is my meditative time on my porch between the end of my work day and the beginning of my evening activities.

How have I changed from being out of balance to enjoying both my task time and leisure time?

What are your favorite leisure activities?

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Choosing My Path

One of the features of many 12 step groups is the telling of one’s story. This telling provides value to the group in at least a couple ways. Way one, it lets new members know that horrible situations can get better. Way two, it reminds the teller of how far they’ve come.

Why am I capable? How do I know I progress? What makes me evolve?

We kind of get used to where we are because it took us a moment at a time to get here in general. Not like jumping in the deep end of the pool. No one was born competent. No one was born speaking, to the best of my knowledge. We acquire these things. I didn’t develop a drinking problem overnight, I worked on it diligently, day after day. Same with coke and pills. My abusive relationships escalated one day, one event at a time. Telling my story occasionally helps me remember how much I have accomplished.

I grow up one day at a time.

We are capable, we are born that way. Each of us is capable of growing up. We do it one day at a time, one tiny choice at a time.

Sometimes, stuff happens and we get stuck, one day at a time. We may stop growing up for a while, then, until we get choose to get unstuck. When I was choosing mood-altering chemicals, most of the time I wasn’t actively drinking or snorting or popping or smoking. I was, however, choosing that path. When I decided to stop, there was all that time in a day when I hadn’t been actively choosing that path, but then would come the moment when I had to start making tiny choices to change it. A tiny choice to put the pills and coke and dope down the toilet. A tiny choice to pull all my booze from my hidey holes and dump that. A tiny choice to try a new way, I was scared, but I was more scared to stay where I was.

Why am I competent? Why can I choose? What makes me decide?

I choose to grow up because each little step I’ve taken, things have gotten a bit better. I choose to believe what my spiritual teachers have told me, that a happy life is normal, an easy life is normal. A satisfying life is normal

I wanted normal.

Why am I skilled? How do I know I am wise? What makes me shine?

When I decide to choose to live, to choose me, to choose to make it better, I put a lot of stuff in place. Ego is going to fight me hard. Ego likes status quo no matter how much it’s killing me. Ego likes to keep the boat steady, no rocking. Becoming a grown up rocks that damn boat half onto it’s gunnels and back again. Becoming a grown up is exciting and challenging and fascinating and angrifying, and scary and thrilling. And worth it.

Why am I capable? Why do I choose calm? How do I know I am courageous?