Lookit Me, Appreciate Me

Lookit Me, Appreciate Me

What kind of attention do you get? Do you get nice attention? Do you get mad attention? Are you praised, or maybe feel like you get in trouble all the time?

We all want to be seen. We all want some recognition, at least from certain people. Feeling appreciated lets us know that we are making a worthwhile contribution to our community, but when we don’t get that acknowledgement, we may act out, going for negative attention instead.

Poor we.

Now, on the one hand, the most significant positive attention we can get is from ourselves. If I am berating myself and sluicing me with bad creative questions, all the honors and accolades in the world won’t get through to me. They won’t make any significant difference, I’ll just feel like a nasty blob, if that’s what I’m doing to me inside.

On the other hand, acknowledging the people in our communities; our families, our religious groups, our social media connections, our tribe and clans of all sorts, is a way we recognize connection, belonging, acceptance, and value. This is why humans have a million awards ceremonies.

Why do I feel appreciated? How am I the center of attention? What makes me shine?

Whether I am focused on getting in trouble, or not getting in trouble. I will likely get in trouble. Here’s a curious thing about our brains. Our subconscious mind, you know, that part that’s like the ginormous underwater part of an iceberg, doesn’t do well with negations in commands. When we are told, “Don’t touch the stove!” what happens first is we have to think about touching the stove, then pulling away. Now, once we get burned a few times, and sometimes a lot of times, we learn, but that is a slow and cumbersome process filled with blisters.

Isn’t that sneaky?

So, when I want to change the kind of attention I’m getting from negative to positive, I have two tasks. Task one is to change my mind about the kind of attention I want, and start running my good Creative Questions.

Why do I feel valuable? Why am I honored? What makes me feel like a star? How do I get good attention? Why am I great?

If I have resistance or objections to any of my good questions, I can throw in the words ‘would’ or ‘could’ and that can loosen stuff up a lot. It will help to repeat the question with those words in it until I start feeling good about it.

The next part that I’ve found really helpful, is to acknowledge the people in my communities whose contributions have a nice impact on me. I like to send thank you notes, or a little note of praise to a supervisor, or someone in charge, and make sure to copy the person I’m praising. I like to acknowledge the qualities of people I love, respect, admire, through social media, and any other way I can think of.

One of the reasons this is useful for me is that it helps me stay focused on what I love about you. I like that so much more than when I was focused on what bugged me about you.

It also helps me notice that I do kind stuff, little sweetnesses, or solve problems, or find solutions to interesting situations. Acknowledging you helps me value me.

How have I changed from getting no attention, or only negative attention, to enjoying positive attention?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 12052013