Crafting My Life

Crafting My Life

Innocence, purity, sweet, clear, clean. On the one hand, I love these words, and love the feeling I get from them. On the other hand, I’ve watched enough creepy movies that they can sometimes have a weird connotation. Semantics are interesting.

How like life.

I mean, we all have stuff. That’s part of what life is for. You get stuff, you work through your stuff, and then you live a happy, fulfilling life.

Or not.

So sometimes we are around people who get stuff around clean. They get all freaky about germs, or sexual behavior, or food, or bathrooms.

Sometimes, we are around people who get ideas about what they call “racial purity.” Or “ethnic purity” or even town or neighborhood purity or even departmental purity, though they don’t call it that. In high school we called them cliques.

Sometimes, we are around people who get ideas about innocence, and get all fretty about how no one is innocent. Ever.

Oy.

Why am I innocent? How do I know I am pure? What makes me clear? Why can I trust? Why can I trust my live force? What makes me feel connected with eternal existence?

I want my life to be full of light. Guilt isn’t light. Obsession isn’t light. Negative emotional judgments aren’t light.

The only way my life is full of light is if I fill it up.

I am the only one who can do that for me. You can create space for me to make that happen, but you can’t do it for me. You can beat me, but I am the one who decides whether I am feeling discomfort, or pain. You can love me, but I have to choose to feel loved.

I talk about this a lot, partly to create a space where you can create a life you love, partly to remind me:

I live in the life I create. I create it every single day.The life I live in is not reality, it is my version, based on my perceptions, which are based on vintage experiences that date back to when I was first parsing the world as an infant, creating my map of what it all means; my mind map.

I live in the life I create. I get what I expect most of the time. If I expect crap, I get crap. If I believe I’m really fortunate, my fortune is great. The more I clear out the parts of my mind map that says, “there be monsters” or “unexplored territory” the more space I have for wonderful things, wonderful experiences, wonderful people and relationships, opportunities. Oh, yes, I do.

How have I changed from believing life happens to me to knowing I life the life I create?

(c) Pam Guthrie 2013 all rights reserved 12042013

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